🔥Johnny's Links #7🔥
Biglaw Embarrassment, Quince, Spotify Inc. ($SPOT), Sam Bankman-Fried & the USPS
Did you catch our two prior editions? ICYMI, here they are again:
Now let’s get to the links👇, 😜.
🔗What We’re Reading (7 Reads)🔗
1. Biglaw (Short Sack-Less Leadership). Early in his second administration, President Trump attacked several big time law firms via executive orders and the legal world waited with baited breath to see whether the firms would fight back — you know, like, “advocate” for themselves … or something. Many didn’t. Instead, several, including Paul Weiss Rifkind Wharton & Garrison LLP, cowered and got bent — something we gleefully snarked about last April Fool’s Day:
“Today the entire RX group at Paul Weiss Rifkind Wharton & Garrison LLP, in opposition to the firm’s very high profile and recent EO-induced presidential bootlicking, marched into the office of chairman Brad Karp, and respectfully self-deported, taking their uber-impressive book of recent restructuring wins — Forever21 … a … *checks notes* … liquidation … and 23andMe … *checks notes* … basically a liquidation — with them.
A defeated Mr. Karp begged and pleaded with the team to stay: the whole point of getting slammed by the proverbial Trump Steak in the first place was to prevent clients and talent from leaving. And now they’re triggering a “partner run” and heading for greener pastures….”
To be clear, the hand-wringing on Sixth Avenue was no joke. A lot of talent did drain, though the firm’s Chairman, Brad Karp, survived (only to later be felled by a sordid affiliation with none other than Jeffrey Epstein). Of course, not far from the Joker you’ll almost always find Batman and capes adorned the offices of Jenner & Block, WilmerHale, Perkins Coie, and Susman Godfrey — all of which found some courage and pushed back against what many believed to be presidential overreach (PETITION Note: this is not a political commentary … it’s just common f*cking sense). Alas, per The Wall Street Journal back on March 2, 2026 (lost amidst all of the war noise):
“The Trump administration on Monday abandoned its defense of the president’s executive orders sanctioning several law firms, punctuating a year of turmoil that rocked the legal industry and forced its leaders to choose between taking on the White House or capitulating.
In a court filing, the Justice Department said it was dropping its appeals of four trial-court rulings that struck down Trump’s actions against law firms Jenner & Block, WilmerHale, Perkins Coie, and Susman Godfrey. The move came just days before the Justice Department’s opening brief was due in an appeal of the four cases, which were consolidated before a federal court in Washington.”
It didn’t help that appointees of both Republican and Democrat presidents ruled against the administration. So, of course some gloating ensued:
“Law firms welcomed the Trump administration’s decision to drop the appeal, with Susman Godfrey saying it marked ‘a fitting end to its plainly unconstitutional attack’ on the legal industry and the rule of law.”
The marketing for the victorious firms practically writes itself.
2. E-commerce (Long Copycatting). Ever hear of Quince? Prior to, say, eight or ten months ago we sure as sh*t hadn’t but then it started suddenly popping up all over Insta (in place of Temu, seemingly) and as a sponsor of a gazillion podcasts the team listens to. The company is known for taking popular clothing staples branded by others and undercutting them on price or, as The Information put it (paywall), “…reasonably priced alternatives to luxury goods, like cashmere sweaters….” Well, confession: Johnny has tried these “reasonably priced alternatives to luxury goods” and they’re decidedly NOT luxury goods and, given the (lack of) quality, not particularly reasonably priced. That’s not going to stop the VCs though: the company is apparently and reportedly in talks with investors to raise a new funding round that would value the company at over $10b (on an annualized run rate of roughly $2b). We reckon AI won’t render clothes obsolete.
Speaking of obsolescence and retail, apparently malls are … uh … making a comeback?!
3. Music (Short DSPs?). Spotify Inc. ($SPOT) has been bashed for as long as it’s been in existence and this piece doesn’t put a halt to that trend. It does, however, use the legendary Jimmy Iovine as a vehicle to argue that the music digital service providers are, due to commoditization and lack of differentiation, on borrowed time. Meh. We’re not buying it happening any time soon — certainly not “minutes away” from now — but it is interesting to read, yet again, how damn hated the DSPs are. One thing though: how does an aspiring band get discovered if the algorithm doesn’t prop them up? The author doesn’t really delve into this but the megastars suck all of the oxygen out of the algorithm anyway so maybe there’s very little discoverability to be gained anyway, 🤷♀️…?
4. Oil & Gas (Long 👀). No link. Just a wild as bloody hell chart:
Obviously things have changed since then but still.
5. Sam Bankman-Fried (Long Comeback Stories?). Well f*ck, he’s back. And back. And back. Why three “backs”? Because SBF, as he’s known, is deploying three contemporaneous strategies to unjail himself and, in turn, literally and figuratively unshackle one of the greatest venture investors of all time. Yes, still talking about SBF (have you checked Anthropic’s valuation lately?). So what are those three strategies? One, he’s seeking a retrial. Two, he’s pursuing an appeal of his conviction. And, three, he’s learned a thing or two from prison and now has his tongue lodged so far up President Trump’s butthole that he’s hoping it’ll find a pardon up there. In case you’re wondering where SBF’s parents are in all of this — are they supportive, are they ashamed? — the answer is most definitely the former.
In case you’re wondering where people are on SBF’s chances of a pardon, there’s literally a market for this — a small one, but a market nevertheless.
6. Ski Boondoggles (Long Curious Billables). Q1 billables have always been dubious considering the sheer number of hours that RX professionals spend on the slopes but maybe less so this year. That’s mostly because the snow has f*cking sucked: at least twice this season, skiers and boarders would have been better served on Lexington Avenue than out west.
In that spirit, it was no surprise when, this past week, Vail Resorts Inc. (ticker: $MTN, lol) significantly cut its full-year net income guidance from $201-$276mm to $144-$190mm on the back of “…the most challenging winter across the Rockies that we have ever experienced,” said CEO Rob Katz. Someone check alcohol sales in the Rockies. If an RX pro can’t ski, he/she’s gotta fall back on other talents.
7. US Postal Service (Long Forever Stamps). Waaaaaaaaay back in November ‘17 we wrote about how “The US Postal Service Could Use Bankruptcy” yet here we are nine years later and … well … the thing keeps scratching and clawing. And by “scratching and clawing” we mean torching taxpayer cash. Per Reuters, the USPS has lost $120b since ‘07, and “…USPS mail volumes are down 110 billion pieces of mail per year from the peak 15 years ago, which translates into $86 billion in revenue at current prices.” It’s baaaaaaaad:
“Last month, USPS reported a net quarterly loss of $1.25 billion. USPS has called on policymakers to reform the Postal Service Civil Service Retirement System obligations, give USPS more flexibility over pricing and increase its $15 billion statutory debt limit, which it hit years ago.”
In addition to screwing over retirees, Postmaster General David Steiner wants to raise the price of a stamp by 15-20% — repeat, LONG FOREVER STAMPS, yo — and open up its last-mile delivery network to third-parties. It sounds like anything is on the table and the USPS has brought on Alvarez & Marsal to help it come to some conclusions.
📚Resources📚
We have compiled a list of a$$-kicking resources on the topics of restructuring, tech, finance, investing, and disruption. 💥You can find it here💥.